I’ve had this really weird dream a few times in my life before. They turned out to be pivotal events surrounding each time but each time I have it, it gets scarier. It’s of course more or less vague when I describe it. Though when I wake up I feel I’ve just broken free of the grasps of something that puts systematic racism, ignorance, and that moment right after your MacBook drops and your heart stops for a few minutes all to shame.
It’s like an island that is for some reason always dark and gloomy but no one really notices. There’s a castle and it is always filled with peers respective to what time of life I’m in. The dream has never really included people I knew but I could tell that the people around me couldn’t be too much older or younger than myself. The island is strange though. It’s kind of like a summer camp, that’s the only way I can think to describe it. There is the guy with a vague face that is more or less the director, no one questions him. No one even seems to know that they’re being ruled by him.
Their every action is influenced by this guy and he has them do some crazy shit, let me tell you… Well each time I have the dream, I stand up to the man. I question him, terrified, I refuse to do what he asks. This time he was asking me to follow the others, jump into this pit of nothing cultivated by dark gravel and a dysphoric residue. As I refused, my heart swelled and pumped like it was trying to escape. He grabbed my nearest friends and loved ones, one by one, he asked me again to go and as I refused each time, he chucked someone down the abyss.
This always happens. I always say no, he always finds a way to break me. Then I wake up, more afraid that he’ll be standing over me with all his menacing ambiguity. All these years later, I honestly still don’t know what this shit means but I needed to document it.